The United States today rebuffed an offer by Canadian officials to provide immediate asylum to embattled Syrian president Bashar al-Assad if the U.S. agrees to take back actor Randy Quaid. The 62 year-old Quaid, best known for his portrayal of Cousin Eddie in the movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, fled to Canada in 2010 to avoid felony vandalism charges in California.
In rejecting the offer, U.S. Ambassador to Canada Augie Doozleman laughed and told reporters, "Hell, we don't want Quaid. We'd rather have Assad. Quaid's a nut."
According to international political expert Wyclif Gonzales, Canada will probably up the ante. "Canada is so desperate to get rid of Quaid I think they'll agree to not only take Assad, but perhaps also Charlie Sheen, Donald Trump, Kim Jung Un, Lance Armstrong, Fidel Castro and his brother Raul, Lindsay Lohan and maybe even Sarah Palin," he predicted.