Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Friday, 25 January 2013

image for Lady Gaga Wants To Become A SEAL
Lady Gaga

BILLINGSGATE POST - Many want to be a SEAL but few make it. Inspired by GI Jane and aware of the new push to allow women to join combat units, Lady Gaga hopes to become a SEALs candidate.

With a successful career in the entertainment business, one might ask why she would risk her health and life to join this elite group of men. Mindful that candidates must be 28 years or less, Lady Gaga noted that she has only one more year before she runs out of time. Thus, she submitted her application package to the Chief of Naval Personnel for processing.

Of all the battles a SEAL (Sea, Air, Land) must fight, none is more important than the battle of mind over matter.

SEAL instructors know the human machine is capable of amazing endurance even in the harshest of conditions and environments. But they also know that the mind must be made to ignore the pleading of the body. Lady Gaga believes that this is one of her strong points. Having completely blown her mind away with illicit sex and drugs, she doesn't have to worry about synapsing impulses between her body and mind anymore.

During the infamous 132 hours of Hell Week, the body often lies to the mind. With her ability to transform her breasts into rockets and other weapons of mass destruction, she might have a leg up in this department also.

With these advantages, chances are that Lady Gaga will become the first female to be awarded the coveted trident badge.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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