The city council last night voted to spend $250,000 to install automotive-type airbags on all downtown lampposts.
The decision came after hundreds of pedestrians have been injured over the past few years while inadvertently walking into posts while texting using their smart phones.
"This is a real problem. Half our young people are walking around with chipped front teeth and smashed noses, and it's incumbent upon us to try to solve this," said city councilman Cletus Fiffschiker.
A dozen people spoke before the council, urging them to install the airbags. One speaker was 23 year-old Reisling Cussnudder, whose face was completely bandaged after she suffered injuries from a collision with a post while texting.
Because of the bandaging, her testimony was large unintelligible, but sounded something like, "Brruee magoff prppertinfner welgen seefer."
The council nodded in agreement before unanimously approving the expenditure.