Written by Ducksley
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Topics: Banks, Theft

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Police say a lone suspect escaped with dozens of "Next Window Please" placards during a tense bank robbery yesterday. "He rushed in when the bank was filled with customers," said First Insolvent Bank manager Libra-Fawn DeMedved. "He grabbed a stapler off a desk and threatened to staple everyone if we didn't lie on the floor. It was horrible," she said, sobbing. "The floor was so dirty."

Police say a mask the stapleman was wearing fell off during the robbery, and investigators say they think the face on the mask is that of either vacuum cleaner mogul David Orick or Canadian singer Michael Bublé. The mask is at the state crime lab being checked for nose prints.

"We're so fortunate that no one was hurt," said DeMedved. "He was brandishing a Swingline 747 High Capacity stapler that was full of staples--it could have really been tragic." Police appealed for the public's help in solving the robbery, saying, "We're asking anyone to call us immediately if they see "Next Window Please" signs advertised on craigslist."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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