In a bold move President Obama announced today that anyone caught in possession of an unlicensed firearm will have their trigger fingers amputated without any court proceedings.
Police in several states have already been issued with special knives and anesthetics so they can clamp down on offenders and reduce gun crime immediately.
The President, invoking his executive privilege, is also considering ordering that anyone with a mental illness, irrelevant if they own a weapon or not, must also have their trigger fingers removed, in an attempt to prevent crazed people from firing weapons, should they still manage to purchase them.
"What a fantastic idea, if we can't ban guns and we are upsetting legitimate gun owners then this is a great compromise" tweeted Piers Morgan to his millions of followers.
In a follow up tweet he also added "A fantastic deterrent that could be the basis for further changes in the law. I mean why stop here? I guarantee that we can stop public urination by applying the same logic. Only yesterday I was commenting how badly the CNN parking garage smelled of urine.....I suspected Anderson Cooper was the culprit, but irrelevant of who it is.....if we start amputating offenders then the problem will naturally stop."