President Obama's announcement today that some magazines will be banned from sale caused one moronic idiot to fly into a tizzy, worried that Hustler, Big Tits Weekly and Teenage Sluts would be among the publications banned.
"I hope he reconsiders this ban" mulled Douglas Pertwee of Sherman Oaks, California "I love those magazines, I get them every month, apart from 'Teenage Sluts' which comes out every two weeks. They are the highlight of my day, going home and flipping through the pages. Without them I may turn crazy and go out and do something mad...like maybe speak to a real woman and heaven forbid...get a real girlfriend!"
The White House rushed to confirm that no soft porn magazines are being banned, clarifying the simple mistake by saying "We will only ban Hello! and People magazine, and only if they continue to print senseless crap about Lindsay Lohan, Justin Beiber and other tiresome celebrity gossip...."