WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a move that has long been overdue, the government of the United States has moved to outlaw the weight loss program of liposuction.
A spokesperson for the U.S. Department of Weight, Darth S. Clutterbuck, stated to the news media that research studies show that although the practice of liposuction works initially, it is simply a temporary fix to the overweight problem.
Mr. Clutterbuck went on to say that many liposuction specialist have literally become millionaires just by focusing on this vacuum-cleaner type of fat removal.
Magenta Paddyweimer, 33, of Mulholland Heights, California, said that she had liposuction done twice, and she admitted that all she really lost bottom line was $7,000.
She noted that her first lipo procedure removed 57 pounds of excess fat and cost her $3,500 plus $700 for the landfill fee.
Mrs. Paddyweimer said that within five weeks she had gained back the 57 pounds plus an extra 13 pounds.
She quickly pointed out that her second lipo also cost her $3,500 plus the added $700 fee and she ended up having 61 pounds of fat removed only to regain it all within three weeks.
Dr. Misty Blitzfitz, head of the medical department at Cottonball State College, in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, is an expert on the inherent characteristics and traits of liposuction.
She recently stated that what she has seen happening more and more is that when the excess weight is removed by means of liposuction, some of the lipo specialists are inserting a type of time release capsule that causes the patient to develop a tremendous hunger within 48 hours.
Dr. Blitzfitz urges any patient who feels that they may have had the hunger inducing insert placed inside their body, to immediately go the Internet and log on to www.hungerinducinginsert.yum.