Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 11 January 2013

image for Douchesse painting 'ain't no Salvator Mundi' says top NYC art critic
Douchess of Cambridge [after beard and whiskers depilation]

Manhattan, NY - A creepy new portrait of top Brit gold digger Kate Middleton has been panned by a leading New York art critic despite rave reviews on the other side of the Pond.

Dr Cosmo Gouazzo, Gulbenkian Professor of Gum Arabic Studies at The Smithsonian, said today the picture resembles an amateur pastiche of Da Vinci's recently restored Salvator Mundi 'minus the beard and whiskers'.

"It's as if the artist - and I use the term loosely - has removed hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of the sitter's botox, jowl filler and cheek implants," Gouazzo commented.

"Looks as if there's enough cynicism in them brushstrokes there for a hefty lawsuit."

The criticism was hurriedly dismissed at London's National Poor Trait Gallery which launched the picture by renowned [sic] local artist Sir Crappo Krappensky MBE.

"She's a wonderful subject, a wonderful shitter - er...sitter!" gallery curator Oswald de Palmgreesa Arzlikka said defiantly.

"Wanna sneak preview of a nude Kate self portrait commissioned by Paparazzi Anonymous?"

Royal mother-in-law Carole Middleton is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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