Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 3 January 2013

image for Frickin' frackin' hell: plot to exhume Jane Fonda
Five trillion tonnes of extractable natural gas...

Glendale, California - Cemetery officials have applied to move the dual Oscar winning actress' remains from Glendale's famous Forest Lawn Mammorial Park.

An exhumation order sought from the Glendale C**nty Morgue Chief Coroner is backed by Big Oil fracking permits to prospect for shale and other gassy stuff.

Last week trustees of the celebrity graveyard reportedly hammered out a megabux deal leasing Glendale's mineral rights to US super major Exxon.

The only fly in the ointment was Ms Fonda's remains which groundsmen feared would 'explode' inside her sarcophagus once drilling equipment penetrated the subterranean core.

The iconic Barbarella star straddles a patch of the cemetery's mausoleum right next to Michael Jackson's crypt.

"Which in turn is flanked by Liz Taylor's fabulous granite mammorial headstone," cemetery curator Dr Elvis Flintstone commented, "just a stonesthrow from Errol Flynn's 50 foot penis sepulchre, heheh."

Early indications show up to five trillion tonnes of natural gas are extractable from under the site which is strewn with the graves of thousands of A-Listers "plus Jane Fonda, of course."

An update of this fast-breaking story follows shortly.

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