ADA, OKLAHOMA--Following announcements of the former president's failing health, 35-year-old claims adjuster and Gulf War buff Mark Bancroft has been weirdly monitoring news reports in baited anticipation of George H.W. Bush's death.
"Can you imagine 'Stormin'' [Norman Schwarzkopf] and President Bush going in the same week? There'll be a Gulf War frenzy," said the eerie man. "It will be so awesome; I can't wait [for an octogenarian to die so my pet subject will become relevant again]."
Bancroft expressed his hopes that CNN would devote a significant amount of their programming to the event that "really put them on the map" and that the History Channel would similarly dedicate most of their airtime their programming in the aftermath of Bush's death to Gulf War documentaries.
"Hopefully Pawn Stars will have some Gulf War artifacts. I think Modern Marvels did an episode once on smart bombs, so they'll probably re-run that. Hell, if one of those dudes on Swamp People reveals he's a Gulf War vet and tells a few stories, that would be a win too."
"I'm sure Spike will have a Gulf War day too," added the spooky little creep.
"Best case scenario, [the former president will] hold out until the first or second week in January," Bancroft told reporters. "Figure if he dies closer to the [January 17] Desert Storm anniversary, everybody will go full-throttle and it'll just be Gulf War retrospective 24/7.
Bancroft is also reportedly holding out hope that Nancy Reagan's death will cause coverage of Mark David Chapman to increase.