Written by Paul Handley
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Topics: Politics

Thursday, 27 December 2012

Starbucks new Come Together message of innocuousness has led to all out war between bitter rivals that seek to place themselves in opposition to anything anyone else appears to possibly represent. Come Together had been interpreted by one 7/11 coffee aficionado as "these corporate mega-mono-liths want you to have a meeting of our pocketbooks with their cash registers. It seems like 7/11 may have a store every 3 blocks, but at least you can meet some real people there. I work for a living. I can't spend 4 dollars on a coffee a day. That's grocery money. For $5 here I can get burritos and hot dogs off the same rotating grill. I can taste their flavors melting into each other. It's delicious and down to earth."

A middle age woman overhearing Mr. 7/11 use the term "pocketbook" stated she will no longer frequent 7/11 and find her coffee at vending machine since the store has become a gathering place for homo fags.

Outside of Starbucks a former patron expressed her wish to picket the franchise, but didn't want anyone to confuse her with a dirty hippie. I vote with my pocketbook she said, which did not cause any homo panic in the area due to the fact that even if she was a lesbian, men are much more ok with that particular visual. Asked why she thought Come Together was liberal terminology, she claimed to base it on Starbuck's musical exclusion of Ted Nugent ditties that include lyrics such as Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang. Reciting the words made her sigh with pleasure and shake her head that such song writing capabilities could actually exist here on earth before the Rapture takes away all the best talent.

A friend of hers chimed in and stated her belief that Starbucks cards contained transmitters for the government to track. She claimed that once a loyal Starbuck's customer became a platinum member they became eligible to vote in the fledgling international committee that was committed to one world government. There have not been any findings of people requesting clarification from Starbucks of what exactly they mean by placing the inciting phrase in the public sphere, instead enjoying a respite from anything meaningful to hatefully vent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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