Texas - Nurses at Waco's Seedy Sinai Hospital where the former US President has been laid up with a bad chest since 23 November 'may face a Grand Jury' amid an official probe into prank calls to the former UK Prime Monster.
Staff at London's Royal Freak Hospital where Mrs Thatcher is hospitalized following a bloody - er...bladder! - operation say a mystery caller been pestering her with apocalyptic 'end of the world' messages.
"We're pretty sure it wasn't the Pope," Senior Staff Nurse Romola Demerol said today, "because he kept calling her darlin' instead of the usual 'filthy slut'."
Both former Cold War leaders are hors de combat [French for combat whores] banged up and under heavy sedition [sedation? - 'Ed'] amid a relentless onslaught of pre-Solstice apocalypse scares centered on the Mayan Calendar.
"Of course it might have been Nelson Mandela, heheh," Demerol added, "he's still banged up in a Johannesburg clinic with gall bladder complications.
"Wanna see pics of this year's Yuletide Festive Catheter competition results?"
Dick-less Cheney is 104.