Birmingham, AL - An Alabama man will be the first in the country to have a fetus which had been conceived through a legitimate rape, implanted into the wall of his stomach lining, saving the fetus from being aborted. He has been the only such man to sign up for the new program which was started by a Christian Fundamentalist Organization.
The pilot project, called Man-Up America! is just starting a life of its' own and calls out for devout Christian men to sign up voluntarily to help curb abortions in the state of Alabama.
Cleevon Huckleby, who happens to be a distant relative of Dick Cheney, will soon have the six week old fetus of a fifty-eight year old woman transplanted into his stomach tissue. Doctors have successfully performed this procedure with men who have undergone gender reassignment surgery but are unable to have a traditional vaginal birth. Dr. Melvin Zeglar explains, "The stomach lining is almost as ideal of a place for the fetus to take hold and start forming a womb as the uterus of a woman, so for men who feel that abortions are not morally tolerable to their Christian beliefs, there is now something that they can do about it. They can carry one of these babies full term and have a cesarean birth."
The woman in this first case, was sexually assaulted and is unable to physically carry the fetus full term due to her age. She was voluntarily placed as the first person on the "Man-Up America!" donation list.
Unfortunately, Man-Up America! is having a tougher time finding recipient male hosts than they first expected. It seems that Mr. Cleevon Huckleby is the only man brave enough to face up to his Christian moral beliefs and sign up for the project, or is he? He tells us how he became involved with the project. "Well, basically, I done misheard the pastor durin' a sermon a few weeks ago. I was dozin' off during one of his talks, I was pretty hung over, when it came around to the part where he yelled; "Do I have a man in the house that is with the Lord on this matter!" well my brother-in-law slapped me on the back and I jumped up to volunteer without properly hearin' him. Now it looks like I'm gonna be getting me a rape-baby shot into my guts."
Others feel that perhaps Mr. Huckleby isn't the most suitable first recipient of a fetal transplant because of his alcohol use but Cleevon seems to have made peace with his decision and no individuals are forcing him to be removed from the list. So it seems that all plans to transplant the fetus into the man, will go ahead as scheduled.
"I think Mr. Huckleby is a perfect first candidate." Said Judy Fairchild, founder of Man-Up America! "This is a man who is very typical of your average Jesus loving male in the state of Alabama. The fact that he might cavort with the ways of the devil on Friday and Saturday night and then pray to the Lord on Sunday is not out of the norm what-so-ever. So I think he makes a great example for other men like him to step forward and carry a rape-baby for a woman who cannot physically carry the baby herself, or who has informed their doctor that they plan to have an abortion. Mr. Huckleby is a trail-blazer in our eyes, a man to be admired for his fundamental Christian beliefs. So to all you devout Jesus worshipers, who don't believe in a woman's right to choose, its' time to Man-Up!" Added Fairchild.
So it would appear that creationism and evolutionary science have come to a crossroads in Alabama, where any man who feels the need to save one of the Lords intended creatures, can Man Up! and step in to save that life.
The Federally funded project hopes to spread from Alabama, throughout the South, as well as other places that are against a woman's right to choose, eventually finding warm and welcoming environments in which it can grow into a fully matured non-profit organization. So if you are a male who feels strongly about saving a fetus from being aborted, and are of child bearing age, please contact Man-Up America! through their website and fill out an application, or just fall asleep in church and have a friend nominate you while you nurse a killer hangover.