Written by HaveIGotNewsForYou
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

image for Bearded Men Ban From Children's Play Areas Justified Claims Mayor
Banned! Go Find Somewhere Else To Ogle Kids!

A ban on all males sporting beards entering areas designated for children came into effect midnight yesterday in the small town of Queens near Seattle Washington State.

The law, passed by Mayor Kate Policunti is aimed to deter child molesters and pedophiles from congregating in places where children gather. The ban extends not only to playgrounds but to school premises, private businesses aimed at children such as entertainment complexes and fast food restaurants that house soft play areas.

Policunti introduced the law and passed the bill banning men with an abundance of facial hair from these areas after she insisted that most "perverts have beards - ban the beards and we scare away the kiddie fiddlers".

So far the ban has seen no reduction nor increase in reports of child abuse in the small town where last year police reported no cases of any child molestation.

Policunti's ban comes hot on the heels on last June's ban on African American's from being able to roam unsupervised in the evening after the hours of 8 pm. That ban was introduced, by Policunti, to cut down on incidents of street crime and mugging, of which there was one reported case in the last three years, and that attributed to a visiting Dutch man.

In 2009 the town also introduced a law to protect stray cats, forcing the closure of the town's only Chinese restaurant. That ban came shortly after Policunti insisted that all handicapped people, anyone suffering from a mental illness and other "spastics" be relocated from the town in an effort to increase property values.

Dwarfs were banned from entering the town limits in 2007 to reduce the risk of ankle biting and lesbian and gays were shown the door in 2006 after a ban was enforced to prevent the spread of AIDS and "too much pink".

Make HaveIGotNewsForYou's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 2?

6 10 23 22
80 readers are online right now!

Go to top