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Tuesday, 4 December 2012

image for Dodgy hair extension glue blamed for Kate's 'toxic' pregnancy
OMG! Ultrasound shows hairy werewolf gestating inside pregnant Kate

Los Angeles - Doctors who successfully treated Britney Spears' phobia about hair lice eating her hair extensions have offered helpful tips to pregnant Kate Middleton in her hour of need.

An email from the top quack at LA's Seedy Sinai Snatch Clinic to London's Royal Freak Hospital gynaecologists treating the Douchesse of Cambridge warns of the dangers of 'toxic' hair extension glue.

"Your Kate is sickening alright," the message reads, "prepare to shave her as an emergency precaution."

Commenting on the advice Royal obstetrician Sir Pinky Ventouse said he was still probing just how much glue had been used to fix Kate's faux tresses on her virtually bald head.

"First we need to establish the depth of Kate's psychosis," Ventouse explained, "a classic indicator of glue toxicity.

"Her medical notes indicate symptoms such as delusions of grandeur like 'One Day I Shall Be Queen' and 'Of Course I Deserve Those Taxpayer Millions'.

"We need to treat those issues before resorting to plucking her pate."

Britney famously shaved her own hair extensions during a tricky phase in her divorce after becoming fixated on 'horrid nibbly critters' munching away at her roots.

She's since dumped the faux hair addiction and continues to thrive as a 'natural' bottle blond.

Expect an update an this fast-breaking story just as soon as we get it.

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