JACKSON, Wyoming (ABSNN) - Monday night, a visiting Canadian dinosaur, Tyrannosaurus Bataar, was hacked to death, and his head removed, as he walked back to his room at a local inn, "after drinking heavily at Jackson's world famous Million Dollar Cowboy Bar," say police.
"Bataar, also known by his nickname "Tarbosaurus," was approximately 70-million-years of age," said Jackson's iconic attorney, Jerry Spence, a longtime friend who had insisted Bataar visit the Jackson Hole-Yellowstone National Park area in northwest Wyoming.
"Tarbie, we called him Tarbie, was just a overgrown boy," said a sobbing Spence. "We're flummoxed, just flummoxed and devastated by his senseless slaying."
"The skull was hacked off at the third cervical vertebrae and carried off by the killer or killers," said another personal friend, actor Harrison Ford, a longtime Jackson resident.
Jackson Police Chief Dorff Muttman was asked by reporters to describe what Bataar' skull looks like.
"It's big, really friggin big," he said. "His mouth is chock-full of 6" long, curved, dagger-like teeth. It probably weighs around 275 pounds," Muttman said.
"His head weighs 275 pounds," asked Fox News anchor Meygan Kelly, who just happened to be on-hand in the Jackson Hole area participating in the First Annual Nude Celebrity Skiing Extravaganza (she placed 4th).
"I told you, lady, his skull is friggin huge, so I want everyone to be on the lookout for it. It will be impossible to hide," the Chief said.
The rest of Bataar's remains will be shipped home as soon as a fleet of trucks can be assembled to transport it to Canada. A candlelight vigil will be held tonight at The Million Dollar Cowboy Bar.
We will keep you informed.