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Monday, 3 December 2012

image for Near-sighted dolphin mistakes child for Honey Boo Boo and bites her!
Sea World's Sally just prior to attacking a girl she thought was Honey Boo Boo

ORLANDO, Florida (ABSNN) - A dolphin named Sally bit a child who was feeding her in a tank at Orlando's Sea World Sunday. Police immediately arrested the dolphin who told them, "I'm so sorry! I'm so near-sighted, I thought the little girl was Honey Boo Boo. I absolutely despise Honey Boo Boo."

The child sustained three shallow puncture wounds on her left hand. Video was available to reporters that showed the child had her back turned to Sally when she leaped from the tank and attacked her.

"I don't care whether or not the fish needs glasses. It was a sneak attack and my daughter is far prettier than Honey Boo Boo," the child's angry mother told news reporters in a televised interview from the hospital.

"Besides, my little girl is far prettier than Honey Boo Boo. A blind man could see that," she said again.

"And let me just add my daughter is far prettier than Honey Boo Boo, and, by the way, is available for any TV shows that might be interested," the mother said four more times before the cameras were turned off.

One reporter was heard to mutter, "If she says that again, I'm going to bite her daughter!"

Sea World officials, who bailed their Sally out of jail, told reporters that Sally would be taken to an area optometrist later Monday.

Animal rights groups announced Monday that they would assume the duties of attorney for the dolphin. Sally will appear in Orlando District Court February 12th next year.

We will keep you informed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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