DOVER, Ohio (ABSNN) - Fox's Karl Rove was absolutely right: "Ohio sucks!" Today Ohio proved it sucks when a four-football-field-wide sinkhole swallowed up a large section of Ohio State Road 513 just west of Dover.
"Holy crap! I was just watching this hot little Amish chick walking her sheep along the highway when all of the sudden, she disappeared, deep in a huge-assed hole that just appeared outta nowhere," said Bill Smoot who was playing hooky from his Home Economics class at Dover High School.
"The sheep was just standing there all dumb as a stump, so I loaded it into my pickup truck and brought it home to our apartment," Smoot said.
According to John Fitzgerald, an Intelligent Design Scientist from The Creation Museum in nearby Kentucky, "God is very angry over Ohio voting for Barack Obama and is now going to swallow the entire state as a result."
Politics aside, actual scientists called Geologists believe the sinkhole resulted from alluvial deposits of sand being pumped from underground water sources during the making of road building materials.
"These deposits were built up as water ran through limestone caves over millions of years. They kept the cave from collapsing. When the sand and water was removed, the weight of the land above simply became too great and the sinkhole developed," said one Geologist.
"Poppy-penis," said "Dr." Fitzgerald who holds a Phed Degree in ID from BDU, the Bible Dogma Univercity (<his spelling). "The earth and everything else was only created 6786 years ago. This is God's revenge against Ohio for failing Him."
Well now; TheSpoof.com knows a good story when we see one, and we will keep you informed!