SPRINGIELD, Massachusetts (ABSNN) - A nude dancer performing an "amazing, near flawless split" accidentally passed gas and nearby table candles ignited the fart "causing a huge natural gas explosion at the Scores Gentlemen's Club," say fire fighters who extinguished the five-alarm fire.
"It would have been a perfect ending to her striptease, but she hit the landing really hard and she farted. Then a fireball shot out of her ass injuring two dozen men from a local Shriner's Club," said SFD Fire Chief Martin Shuttlecock (a distant cousin to the Martin Shuttlecock who writes for thespoof.com).
"My best dancer, Dessert Firefox, had done the routine countless times without any problems at all," said Jim E. Swaggart who has owned Scores for years.
"But we had a Mexican guy's bachelor party here last night and there was a bunch of bean burritos left over. I told Dessert it was not a good idea to eat any before she danced today, but she put away half-a-dozen of em anyway, and WHAMMO, she was fart city," the shaken owner told reporters.
"Firefighters all over the world have responded to countless infernos set off by teenagers lighting farts," said one paramedic as he loaded the last of the injured into his ambulance. "But this just shows you that ass-gas can ignite at any time it is exposed to an open flame. Farts and fire just don't mix."
Twelve of the injured Shriners were treated and released from Springfield hospitals. However, the dancer, Ms. Firefox, and the remaining eight Shriners were admitted to the hospital pending skin graft surgery.
"I think Dessert Firefox was the most seriously injured," said a hospital spokesman. "We're attempting to find an asshole donor to make a transplant. We called Mitt Romney who's not real busy right now."
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