WASHINTON, DC (ABSNN) - President Barack Obama carried on the tradition of pardoning a turkey this Thanksgiving, but the recipient of the clemency, Karl Rove, was not at all impressed.
"We received requests to pardon more than 50,000 turkeys this Thanksgiving, but we looked no farther than America's biggest, fattest, stupidest turkey, Karl Rove. And although Mr. Rove certainly doesn't deserve a pardon, I hereby grant a full and unconditional pardon for all of the stupid shit he said on election night," Obama said.
"Go and sin no more, Karl. Go and sin no more," the President said as he signed the Executive Order of Pardon.
"Who is that jerk to pardon me? I was right election night, and I'm still right today: the Ohio election is too close to call," shouted Rove to reporters who asked for a comment.
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Writer's personal note: OK, have a happy turkey day (or ham, if you're like my family), drive safely and defensively (keep your pistol within reach), and join thespoof.com during football breaks to read all the news the way the news should be read (with a stiff drink in your hand and ten in your belly).