Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

image for LA DA says 'Bieber too big a pussy to have hurt a guy in a fight last May'
'Not a fighter,' says LA DA about Bieber

LOS ANGELES, California (ABSNN) - The LA County District Attorney's office declined to charge "tween star" Justine Bieber, 18, for a "fight" he had with a photographer last May. According to an Assistant District Attorney, "In all seriousness, we could not charge Bieber because everyone knows he's such a pussy that no jury would ever believe he could even throw a punch-- a tantrum, maybe-- but not a full-grown photographer who out-weighed him by 75 pounds."

Bieber threatened to sue LA County District Attorney Steve Cooley for "tarnishing my manlinessnous."

Bieber was alleged to have thrown a punch and kicked at paparazzi outside a restaurant where he and then girlfriend Selena Gomez had been eating.

However, Sgt. Jack Friday, who worked the case, found no evidence of injury to the unnamed photographer.

"The photographer had no bruises, no cuts, no injuries at all. Bieber could not possibly have hit him; he was not touched," said the detective.

"No injuries at all," asked a reporter.

"These are just the facts, ma'am," Friday said as he read from his notes:

"Bieber is such a sissy-boy that he hits like a girly-girl, kicks like a sloth, and has the hand-eye coordination of worm."

"I suggest that the next time Master Bieber wants to have a fight, he should stick his head up his ass and fight for air," said a disgusted Sgt. Friday.

Well, that about sums up this story, but we will keep you informed, if we have to, I guess.

Make Francois Dubois, S.J.'s day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 3?

9 23 5 1

Go to top