NEVADA STATE PRISON (ABSNN) - O. J. Simpson refused all press requests (except ours, of course) to comment on tonight's Investigation Discovery documentary: "My Brother the Serial Killer," that claims Simpson hired a serial killer to break into his ex-wife's Brentwood condo to steal a pair of earrings telling him, "You may have to kill the bitch."
"I'm the cheapest son a bitch that ever lived. Why would I hire a killer to do a job I was perfectly willing to do myself," Simpson told this reporter in an exclusive telephonic interview from the Nevada State Penitentiary.
"And not only that, but I demand credit due for doing the double killing, getting arrested by the cops, and beating the rap in court," Simpson said, adding, "This whole documentary is bullshit!"
According to Investigation Discovery, the family of convicted killer Glen Rogers, who claims to have killed more than 70 people, knew about the Simpson-Goldman murders all along, but waited until now to speak out (and apparently a few hundred-thousand dollars talking money came along to loosen their collective tongues).
"We're just doing our duty as conscientious citizens, telling the truth, and getting rich doing it with a book deal and this documentary," said one Roger's relative. "It's the American way!"
Nichole Brown-Simpson's and Ron Goldman's families expressed disgust at the idea that anyone other than OJ killed their family members (as do I).
"My Brother the Serial Killer" includes interviews with several Roger's family members and will, no doubt, be watched by most of them, if no one else.
Investigation Discovery will air the show tonight, Wednesday, November 21, 2012, and undoubtedly forever after (as nauseous as the idea makes me).
For better or for worse, we will keep you informed.