SAN FRANCISCO, California (ABSNN) - The City Board of Supervisors of San Francisco voted 6-5 Tuesday to prohibit Bay Area residents ever again getting nekkid. Even showering in the nude is now a felony crime.
"All forms of nekkidness is hereby and forever against the law," said Scott Wiener, a city supervisor. Mr. Wiener was nude with the exception of a very trendy codpiece his life partner made from a Chivas Regal whiskey gift bag.
Residents of the heavily gay Castro District were not pleased by the action.
"We led the nation in nekkidness for more than forty years," said Francois Dubois, S.J. (who, by the way, contributed to this report).
"I want to point out that most Americans bathe nekkid, and we here in Castro intend to defy the law in an effort to be arrested and tried in a court of law so that we may then appeal the ruling to the US Supreme court," Dubois said. "Although that royal blue, Chivas codpiece is just divine."
Local maternity hospitals are stocking up on prenatal birth wear since newborns delivered in the nude will be arrested should they make their initial appearance in the nude.
The ruling also affects the adult film industry which was just ordered to force male actors to wear condoms while performing sex acts on videos.
"Jesus Christ, who wants to see a film of two people dressed dry humping each other," asked one unnamed porn star.
We will keep you informed (and let you know where you can stock up on codpieces).