Wacko, Texas - (AssoCIAted Mess): FBI officers have confirmed today that the prophetic ring-leader of the polygamous Fundamentalist Church of Latter-Day Assholes Warren Jeffs plans to open his newly-built Chernobyl No 4 Reactor-style temple at Eldorado, Texas as a living memorial to his life-long spiritual mentor George Bush Senior and dedicate the erection to the Bush Dynasty as a family mausoleum.
Despite being on the FBI's 10-Most-Wanted-List of fugitive perverts, extortionists, blackmailers, fraudsters, money-launderers, religious snake oil salesmen and founding Pioneers of the Get-Shrub-Elected-into-the-White House movement of 2000, Jeffs has so far eluded capture despite the Bureau's many attempts to track him down for the last three years.
Last week UK TV reported that Jeffs' 80 wives have been secretly implanted with the latest Sat-Nav technology microchips in a covert operation by the Bureau's undercover division posing as bone fide Mormon pregnancy-care practitioners, and that these devices were being successfully monitored in an effort to track down Jeffs, his many bank accounts and his gang of accomplices that stretches across the globe as part of a front-organisation posing as the UK's Prince of Wales Charitable Truss.
The FBI website is uncompromising that Jeffs is a criminal asshole of the first magnitude and has offered a substantial reward for his capture.
Meanwhile, the crudely-constructed erection at Eldorado, Texas is nearing completion and is a far cry from the initial modest hunting lodge that was originally granted planning permission some years ago when Jeffs extorted some $25 million from the Bush2 presidential campaign in return for keeping quiet about Bush and Cheney's financial links with Enron's Ken Lay RIP, the UK's Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor and North Korean President Kim Jong Very ill-Indeed.
His trump card has allegedly been stolen Justice Department classified files from the 1970s showing that the Bush family knew that Ken Lay was one of Pope JP2's sons, along with former Solidarnosc leader and subsequent Polish PM Lech Walesa, and that they masterminded a series of massive bank heists in the 1908s and '90s to finance global terrorism which successfully obliterated their mob rivals operating under flagships of convenience such as the IRA, Hamas, the PLO, Carlos the Jackass and the Queen Mother.
Armed with the gruesome facts, Jeffs has amassed a vast fortune which he has pumped into the 17,000 acre site in Eldorado.
Law enforcement agencies worldwide are worried incase Jeffs plans using the Temple's lavish dedication ceremony to gas his 70,000 members in a Wacko-style mass suicide, thus fulfilling the Fundamentalist Assholes' prophecy that Bush Jr will be crowned as the First Fundamentalist Living God of the 21st Century.
Historians have long noted that Bush paterfamilias Prescott Bush was seminal in financing the Nazi's production of Zyklon-B nerve gas which massacred some 6 million innocent victims of the Hitler/Stalin co-alition of World War II in the days before civilian deaths were conveniently classed as collateral damage.
Next week's awesome astrological alignment in the constellation of Leo of the Sun, Saturn and the Reverend Sun Myung Moon from the equally wacky Unification Bowel Movement may be the cosmic trigger that is needed for the Feds to nail down Jeffs once and for all.