New York - "They were among my very best psychic warriors," ex-First Earth Battalion commander General Stubblebine said today amid mounting furor in the Broadwell-gate case, "taught 'em everything I know and NOW look what's happened!!"
Speaking to Hexoplasm & Ouija Board News Illustrated reporters the retired parapsychologist and former Ronnie Raygun head of Roswell retro-engineering hinted that David Petraeus and John Allen were skilled, natural seers gifted with some of the most impenetrable personal 'invisibility cloaks' of the entire US military.
"Hell only knows why they f***ed up so badly."
Known in Washington DC as Dick Cheney's spoon-bending psy-ops guru Stubblebine's mission was to recruit, train and command top-flight lieutenants capable of outguessing the enemy.
Together with ex-Bush/Cheney Secretary of State General Colon Bowell he founded the Pentagon's First Earth Battalion remote viewing program which tracked Cold War alien movements to infiltrate Capitol Hill.
Their psychotronic warfare experiments saw talented recruits David Petraeus and John Allen scale the Pentagon command structure as scalp after scalp fell their way on the battlefields of America's troubled psyche. [WTF this crap?? - 'Ed']
In 2007 Stubblebine featured prominently in a book called 'Men Who Stare At My Little Pet Goat' which President George W Bush was 'reading' to schoolchildren as news of the 9/11 attack first reached him.
However a feature-length movie about his life was pulled last year following an outcry by hysterical elements of the anti-animal cruelty brigade.
Joe Biden is 69.