Disgraced former CIA David Petraeus says he is so disgusted with his behavior in having an affair with his much younger beauteous biographer that he plans to start a rehab program for cheating military and intelligence community officials.
"I know a program like this would have prevented me from sinning with, and writing explicit e-mails to, and having hot sex with the very attractive biographer," Patraeus asserted. "I truly apologize," especially for getting caught. This is especially embarrassing because my agency's chief job is not to get caught for its secret operations.
Patraeus says his course is designed to improve the lives of those who are easily flattered by the fawning attention paid to war heroes by military groupies. " General Ike Eisenhower and his secretary are just one example," Patraeus observed. "Oh, and CIA chief Alan Dulles was an infamous and successful dirty old man."
While the FBI investigated the Patraeus case, the general's married gal pal/biographer defended her seduction of Patraeus, saying: "If you really want to get close to your subject, you can't just rub the surface." Next on the biographer's to-do list is a tell-all book about her affair with the general.
"Just to whet your appetite," the gal pal said," The little nerd with the bad comb-over was really was a muscular and kinky party animal in the extreme, and we had a novel sex game called "I Spy." I hid naked in one of the many opulent mansions Dave confiscated from foreign royalty. The equally naked general used the latest in miniature CIA spy aircraft-including indoor baby drones-to find me and then sexually reward me."