Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Tuesday, 13 November 2012

image for New Study Proves Nice Guys Finish Last
Nice Guys Never Win

Philadelphia, PA-- Exciting new research from the University of Pencilvania has proven an old adage--nice guys finish last. A group of psychiatrists, psychologists and physiologists tested thousands of incoming male freshmen over a period of five years for the study. There conclusions surprised no one.

Scientists carefully chose only healthy male freshmen volunteers at the university for their study. Each young man was tested for traits such as compassion, empathy and kindness and then rated on a scale of niceness. The young men were then told to run a 26-mile marathon through the streets of Philadelphia. All of the 'nice guys' lost the race.

"A lot of the nice guys never even finished the race. They ran off to commit random acts of kindness and acts of senseless niceness." noted a research scientist. "One young man ran into a hospital to visit sick patients. Another young student helped get a stray cat out of a tree." he added.

Scientists were a little chagrined that many of the young men didn't even finish the marathon. The students thought it would be nicer to let someone else win the race instead.

"Nice guys really do finish last. It's a sad fact of life." said one of the scientists in the study. "Most of them are so nice it doesn't even bother them."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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