Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 11 November 2012

image for Tuesday's solar eclipse to wreak havoc with New Yorkers' sperm motility
Might snap at you but certainly won't get you pregnant

New York - A Public Health notice posted on the corner of E.86th and 5th is warning the aspect occurs in the 'fixed' water sign of Scorpio that rules the gonads, oil and gas and various Middle Eastern tinpot dictatorships.

Particularly affected are swimmers in Central Park's Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir where the full thrust of the 21-degrees Scorpio eclipse may include tenderness in the groin area and palpitations.

Other astrologically aligned hotspots likely to experience pube-centered eclipse turbulence include Madonna's rooftop hot tub at the newly refurbished E.81st Street mansion east of Lexington, a fresh fish warehouse near Roosevelt Island's Lighthouse Park and Dr Snippervitz's famous Downtown vasectomy and penile issues clinic. [WTF? - 'Ed']

Another possible site on the eclipse's sperm production trajectory is Chelsea Clinton and hedge funder husband Marc Mezvinsky's Madison Square Park condo where fertility issues are said to be sorely testing Darwin's theory about survival of the fittest.

"Tuesday's solar/lunar alignment comes hard on the heels of that disastrous Hunter's Full Moon," Upper East Side astrologer Romany Fang commented, "and brought down the full wrath of Hurricane Sandy to NYC's zodiac capital of Lower Manhattan.

"But it ain't exactly over yet, guys, unless you've already had The Snip in which case you're home and dry, astrologically speaking."

The eclipse will be at 17.07 New York time Tuesday 13 November.

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