Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 9 November 2012

image for Big Oil tycoons' post-Sandy pledge of $10 million for each pound of ass-lard that Chris Christie loses in next 12 months
Hey, Chris, sounds a great idea!

New Jersey - "And a further $10 million for each pound that stays off for the following year," is how the couple's spokesperson put it as the news broke that homeless post-Sandy New Jersey residents stand to benefit from millions of dollars in hurricane relief in a Big Oil challenge to Governor Chris Christie.

Estimated as tipping the scales at over 300lbs - no, wait...250lbs! - the New Jersey Governor 'could easily shed fifty pounds' just by laying off the stodge according to some reclusive Carnegie Hill, NYC energy moguls sizing up US disaster relief pledges.

The challenge was picked up by aides of the Governor this morning as electronic calculators quickly computed a sum close to one billion dollars being at stake.

"He'll need to lose one pound a week for the next year to clock up the first $520 million for the State's disaster fund," a former accountant at the Morris County Board of Chosen Freeloaders - er...Freeholders! - commented.

"By Christmas 2014 that could mean at least $1 billion."

News of the fat-off also reached the Governor's long-suffering wife Mary whose efforts to get her husband to 'eat less, move more' have fallen on deaf rears - er...ears! - since 1995.

Mary Pat Foster Christie is a sylph-like 140lb raven-tressed lovely whose body shape is elegant and decidedly not overweight.

A superb Cordon Bleu cook her fantastic culinary dishes are said to have made Governor Christie the man he is today.

"Chris lose weight to help the hurricane victims? You'll need a proper cattle prod just to stop him snacking on donuts. Can't see him shedding five pounds let alone fifty!"

An official response from the Governor's Office musr be lodged before Noon on 15 November.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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