Defeated GOP hopeful Mit Romney says he is not giving up the fight for the White House after finding some magic stones in the woods outside Boston which say he will win the next election.
Romney told delighted Republican supporters how an angel appeared in the woods where he had gone for no reason and beckoned him to approach. The angel revealed that he had been sent by God himself to give Romney a gold plate, two magic seer stones and a baseball cap. Romney was told to wear the baseball cap and use the seer stones to translate mystical runes on the gold plate. When he did this, the words read:
"Yo, Mit. You're gonna win the next election. Keep the faith. Yours faithfully, God."
The prophecy contains hundreds of further passages, which Romney hasn't translated yet.
Fox News has provided hundreds of reporters to help write down Romney's translations since nobody else is allowed to look at the plate. Republican party leaders dismissed suggestions that this is a hoax, saying that "If God himself has ordained it, how can it be a practical joke?"