Aspic, Colorado - (AssoCIAted Mess): Newly released figures show that last week's funeral of Enron martyr St Ken Lay of Houston cost the Vatican Bank more than $10 million, mainly in appearance fees put in by the former P2 satanic Lodge luminaries and their KGB associates posing as bona fide US political hasbeens.
The funeral cortege of professional mourners included the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones' (Osteoporosis Division) elder acolyte George Bush Senior who brokered the TV rights to the event as well as global copyright issues relating to the future sale of any relics associated with the death of his former rent boy Kenneth Lay.
Bush Sr was flanked by his gangster accomplice Robert Mob-Sucker Senior whose former self-invention as Secretary for Trade and Commerce was seminal in bringing down the Vatican Bank, the bankruptcy of hundreds of thousands of Lloyds of London members, the wholesale destruction of the BCCI bank, the liquidation of UK dodgy insurer Equitable Life, the August 2000 catastrophic sinking of the Russian nuclear-powered submarine The Kursk and finally, the collapse of the Texan giant Enron itself.
The funeral ceremony itself was delayed after former Houston Mayor Bob Lanier collapsed in the aisle as he entered the church after the minister in charge of proceedings compared St Kenron to an innocent black man, James Byrd, who was recently brutally lynched in Texas, tied to the back of a truck and dragged through dirt roads until his body split in two.
"Ken was the victim of a lynching," the minister said to huge and hearty applause as paramedics rushed in take away Lanier to the nearby psychiatric wing of the district hospital where he was later treated for Enron-related convulsions and foaming at the mouth.
The cost of the funeral has been estimated as in excess of $10 million, a bargain-basement sum spent by fellow Bonesmen out of respect for the thousands of former Enron employees whose pension were destroyed by Lay's malfeasance.
For an icon of fundementalist victimology, this bill is peanuts and has already been underwriten in full by the Vatican Bank following personal arrangements made by President George Bush via Bush Senior's negotiators.
Details of the forthcoming movie rights are expected to be announced later in the week.