Written by Simon Saunders
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Thursday, 8 November 2012

image for Donald Trump Demands To Inspect All Election Ballot Papers
Poo! That stinks. Did someone just trump?

Following President Obama's victorious bid for a second term in the White House, his nemesis Donald Trump has launched a scathing attack against him and democracy on Twitter.

Trump, a US property mogul and internationally renowned idiot, who supported Mitt Romney's attempts to become president despite being insanely jealous of Romney's perfect hair, reckons the world is laughing at the USA.

We commissioned a survey today in the UK that found Trump to be wrong.

According to our results the number one thing most people in the UK are laughing at is Trump's hilarious haircut. The second most laughed at thing is Mr Trump's ridiculous pout closely followed by the comical notion that he considered running for president. Finally, 95% of the British people find his name amusing because it means "fart" in the UK.

We also asked what people found most annoying about his show 'The Apprentice.' 40% of respondents said Trump was the most annoying thing. The other 60% said they enjoyed the show but queried how Trump can fire people who were never even employed by him in the first place.

Claiming that the result was "a travesty" and "a disgusting injustice" ,Trump has already launched his own pointless investigation into the election results.

He said, "It's a disgrace. I already have my minions on this and their discoveries have shocked me. Did you know that everyone in Kenya voted in this election? No prizes for guessing who they voted for. I've requested to see every ballot paper that was cast in the election as I'm sure it was rigged. I'm sure I'll be allowed to view the ballots because I'm so incredibly important."

He then opined that the election was a "total sham" and that "we are not a democracy."

Continuing his hair-brained rant, he said, "A democracy should elect who I want as president. That's how I run things in my organisation. It's completely unfair when people get to choose who they want to represent them. I'm sickened. We all know that Obama is a commie who wants to turn this country into Greece. We may as well all learn to speak Chinese or whatever those cheaters speak."

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney has not been seen since his concession speech in Boston. Internet rumour mongers have suggested that he is rocking back and forth while going up and down in his car elevator at his palatial California home.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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