Written by Evil
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Wednesday, 7 November 2012

image for Britney Spears defends Gay Rights
Britney Spears wearing drag and using a sock as stuffing.

Britney Spears explains that Gay people have a right to be married because they pay taxes and they serve in America's armed forces.

"If the laws of our nation don't defend Gay people's right to get married, it's no taxation without representation," said Spears.

"No taxation without representation" is a slogan originating during the 1750s and 1760s that summarized a primary grievance of the British colonists in the Thirteen Colonies, which was one of the major causes of the American Revolution. In short, many in those colonies believed that as they were not directly represented in the distant British Parliament, any laws it passed taxing the colonists (such as the Sugar Act and the Stamp Act) were illegal under the Bill of Rights 1689, and were a denial of their rights as Englishmen.

Britney Spears, who did not graduate from law school, explains that Gay people have the right to be married as guaranteed by the 14th amendment. The 14th amendment states that citizens of America have equal protection under the law.

Spears further elaborates that Gay married couples are being denied the Legal protections of Tax Benefits, Estate Planning Benefits, Government Benefits, Employment Benefits, Medical Benefits, Death Benefits, Family Benefits, Housing Benefits, Consumer Benefits, and Legal Benefits.

"The constitution does not give the courts the right to marry or divorce people and it's actually against constitutional law for the courts or state governments to marry and divorce people because marriage by law restricts a man's freedom and the process of divorce in the courts also restricts a man's freedom under the 13th amendment of the United States constitution," said Spears.

The Gay marriage issue is about "equal protection of the law," which simply states that if the law protects a heterosexual couple in marriage then it should also protect a gay couple in marriage.

For the courts to get away from Gay marriage they would have to obey the constitution by abolishing all marriage from the legal system and it would be up to individuals as to how they will cohabitat with their respective partners.

Child custody, real estate ownership, and ownership of personal property can be administered by the courts under different types of civil cases.

"Freedom is not a difficult subject to decipher, but since the courts control freedom it's understandable why they would never want to decipher the true meaning of human freedom," said Spears.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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