BOSTON - Mitt Romney was thoroughly beaten by President Barack Obama.
The former governor of Massachusetts wasted no time in finding excuses as to why he lost the election. Romney stated that there were lots of reasons why he lost.
He said that first of all a lot of the blame has to go to his vice-presidential candidate, who he referred to as Paul "Eddie Munster" Ryan.
Romney said that Little Bunny Foo Foo spent way to much time lying about this and that and not enough time telling the truth about that and this.
Mitt The Twit, as fellow GOPer Ann "Giddy Up" Coulter calls him, stated that "Lying Ryan" caused him to lose Pennsylvania, Ohio, Ryan's home state of Wisconsin, and even Romney's home state of Massachusetts.
Frankenstein Romney also placed some of the blame on the Muppet's and especially on Big Bird. He pointed out that when he said he wanted to get rid of Big Bird and all of the Muppet's that he was just joking.
He divulged that he had no idea that the Big Bird backlash would cause him to lose in the states of New Jersey, Connecticut, and Michigan.
The Flip-Flopper then turned his sights on Sarah "Snowflake" Palin. He explained that she was responsible for him losing Florida because he did not invite her to the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida, and the Loose Moose from Alaska put an Eskimo voodoo spell on him.
Old Hairdo Dude even put some of the blame on Hurricane Sandy. When asked how in the world he could blame a weather phenomenon for his losing the presidency he replied, "I blame Sandy because she caused President Obama to receive tons and tons of television time which showed the country exactly what a great president he really and truly is."
SIDENOTE: Mitt Romney had originally planned to also blame New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, President Obama's new BFF, but he changed his mind when he received a text message from Christie informing him that if he blamed him that he would track him down and sit on him until he ended up looking as skinny as LeAnn Rimes.