St Petersburg, Russia - (AssoCIAted Mess): A post-prandial President George Bush was hurriedly packed off by G8 security men into Scare Force One today after taking the healing waters of St Petersburg Palace a little too seriously at Vladimir Sputum's farewell lunch.
CIA minders became concerned when officials pointed out that Bush was drinking simultaneously from at least three glasses, having slipped the head waiter a bundle of North Korean 50-Won bills at the start of the valedictory banquet hosted by the former KGB slimeball.
A worried Laura Bush asked White House minders to check up on her husband who was becoming excruciatingly philosophical in a typical Texan barnstorming way, re-discovering forgotten mots-justes left over from his happy-slappy bachelor days as head product-sampler for the Jack Daniels distillery.
Security men then intervened, turning up the volume on the secret brain implant microphone the President had inserted after his seminal pretzel moment following the Department of Homeland Insecurity's insistence that their greatest political liability had to be microchipped before being let loose onto the public rostrum.
Alas, deprivation-induced vocabulary amnesia soon vanished after the third double Pyongyang-special sharpener from Sputum's barman and Mr Bush let flow a stream of vodka-consciousness into the public address system regarding his opinion of the whole business of compulsory sobriety in public high office.
A worried Vladimir Sputum was seen taking Tony Blair aside and shaking him by the lapels while looking menacingly towards the US entourage now fluttering around its President.
Blair then braced himself and strode manfully in the direction of the Presidential table, left fist at the ready as Bush continued to wax lyrical about the advantages of blitzing Hizbollah munition dumps in holiday resorts around the southern Mediterranean.
The moment was caught on camera by the world's media who had assembled to capture the historic images of the leaders of the world's most advanced, sophisticated and powerful nations behave like utter morons.
Meanwhile back in Pyongyang, President Kim Jong ill was honing his trans-continental arsenal of ballistic missiles after being snubbed an invitation to Vladimir' Sputum's shindig.
Dilpomatic commentators have noted the move may be in response to Bush's recent resurrection of the flaccid 'Star Whores' programme which had planned to place a giant umbrella over the atmosphere above North Korea, Syria and Iran in response to their threats of exposing him and his administration as left-over cold-war Cuban mafioso gangsters who were sponsored into their Whitte House careers by Riggs Bank rent-boys hired by the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones...