Written by Michael Balton
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Friday, 2 November 2012

image for New York City Marathon Issues Post-Sandy Rules
New York deals with a different kind of race issue.

New York - Mayor Michael Bloomberg is being roundly criticized for permitting the New York Marathon to take place this weekend while millions of the city's citizens still suffer from hardships brought on by Hurricane Sandy.

In an attempt to avoid confrontations between citizens and race participants, the New York Road Runners Club has issued nine special rules for this year's race:

- Looters have the right-of-way.

- Don't expect any police protection. The NYPD's next gas delivery is Tuesday.

- Using downed power lines to electrocute the competition is strongly discouraged.

- Be careful not to trip over the graves of any hurricane victims.

- There is a $10,000 reward for the runner who finds Donald Trump's hair piece in the storm rubble.

- Swimming is prohibited in the Queens Midtown Tunnel.

- Refreshment stations are limited, but you can have all the floodwater you can drink.

- Lookout for falling tree limbs and the mayor's plunging popularity.

- Run faster. That angry mob is gaining on you.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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