Written by Tawdry Soup
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Monday, 29 October 2012

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Hurricane Sandy prepares for battle against NY's finest.

New York, NY: After a fear-mongering comment made today by New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, riot police were sent deep into the financial district to combat the oncoming Hurricane Sandy, which threatens to do what the Occupy movement could not. That is, shut down Wall Street and send the rich pigs that control the nations purse strings squealing for higher ground.

The strategy of the protectors of the fascist state is simple: Greet Mother Nature with brute strength, tear gas, rubber bullets and lots of pepper spray directed straight into the eye of the storm.

This morning, as evacuation sirens blared in the background, New York City Police Lieutenant, Norman O'Malley, read a solemn statement to reassure the fascists infecting the financial district their million dollar shoes won't get muddy, and they'll be shielded from anything that might offend their delicate sensibilities once the hurricane arrives. See text of the statement below:

"Obviously, Mother Nature is bent on disrupting the very center of our cherished capitalist system. Let it be known we will protect the demeaning and soul-sucking corporations above everything else, including the life and limb of our own mothers. New York's finest will not allow the dastardly work of a bunch of rogue waves and idealistic wind gusts to disrupt the flow of money from the Zionist capitalist structure into the hands of war-mongers and the biggest gang of thieves the world has ever known. We are absolutely prepared to pepper spray and club the storm into submission if necessary. Our intelligence has revealed Hurricane Sandy plans to camp out over the financial district for several days. We suspect this will lead to disarray, piles of trash strewn about, disruption in pedestrian traffic and public services, and public outbursts that may include extensive property damage. Rest assured, we are prepared to use any means necessary to stop this menace to our country and the world. There will be no questions. Thank you."

In the midst of all the chaos, rumors are rampant. One that is making headlines is the ghost of a drunken and cocaine-fueled Andrew Brietbart was seen facing the oncoming storm and screaming for it to "get a job, you fucking loser!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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