WHIPPLE, Ohio - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into the town where beer coasters were invented.
A crowd of 29 individuals had gathered in the morning dew to hear Old Mittens speak in the parking lot of a local Captain Cluckity Cluck Cluck's Chicken Shack.
Romney was originally supposed to have spoken in the parking lot of a local Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Chinese Diner, but Mrs. Romney (Ann) vetoed the plan because she did not like the word Dastardly.
The former governor of Massachusetts told the crowd that the Blue State people think that by calling him Big Bird that they are getting underneath his skin.
He giggled and told them that nothing could be farther from the truth and added that nothing they call him bothers him in the least, not The Flip Flopper, or Hairdo Dude, or even Frankenstein.
An older woman in the crowd hollered out, "Hey Rummy, how about the nickname Mitt The Twit does that one bother you?"
Romney turned red. He began coughing uncontrollably. When he regained his composure he replied, "Now little lady, or little old lady to be politically correct - that nickname does bother me."
The man who is worth $250 million then further stated, "And if I may be perfectly honest with you, it bothers me a hell of a lot. Now you will forgive me for cussing, but I am getting sick, sick, sick of these Blue Staters going around laughing at me, giggling at me, and calling me all of these mean nicknames dammit!"
SIDENOTE: Romney told GOPicky Magazine that when he is elected President, his first official presidential act will be to terminate the Food Stamp Program in each one of the Blue States. He grinned from ear-to-ear and said then he'll see just how many of them folks still call him The Flip Flopper.