United Press International has chosen a, "Standard Presidential Photo" to accompany news stories. The struggling press service announced that it would, hereafter, run the photo, (shown at right), with all stories referencing the President or his office. After examining literally millions of photographs, it has selected this as the photo that is most appropriate for use in the most presidential situations.
Accordingly, the photo will run with the following stories:
1) President refuses to ask Israel for cease fire.
2) President refuses to condemn Karl Rove for leaking
CIA agent's name.
3) President reaffirms support for Iraq war.
4) Presdient explains why no WMDs were found in
5) President declares that $350B price tag for Iraq will
not adversely affect the value of the dollar.
6) President explains Hurrincane Katrina preparedness
and FEMA response.
7) President states nationwide telephone
tapping does not violate the 1st Amendment.
8) President explains Republican policy on
9) President defends Big Oil profits.
10) President declares that family history does not
affect presdiential policy.
11) President explains why he got to fly jets in Texas
when others went to Vietnam.
12) President explains why the widening gap between
the rich and poor in the US is "good".
13) President states that transferring heavy industry to
China "good for everyone".
14) President declares that unemployed shipyard
workers and steel foundrymen must "retrain".
15) President describes size of stool impacting anus.