Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 20 October 2012

image for Big Tex Catches Fire and Burns - Romney Blames President Obama
A photo of Big Tex showing his britches and boots totally engulfed in flames. (Photo courtesy of Tony Romo).

DALLAS - Big Tex, the legendary 52-foot tall statue at The State Fair of Texas for 60 years, caught fire and completely burned.

The Lone Star State icon with the 75-gallon hat first appeared at the State Fair Park back in 1952.

Big Tex was purchased for $751.65 from a Mrs. Hattie Gretchen Pickleprattle of Texarkana, who made Big Tex using old discarded Mrs. Tucker's Shortening Cans, Falstaff Beer Cans, and about 191 rolls of Reynolds Wrap Aluminum Foil.

The statue's belt buckle weighed 50 pounds and was modeled after Hattie Gretchen's maternal grandfather Opie "Tabacky" Yicklegarden's prized rodeo bull riding championship belt buckle.

An eyewitness to the fire identified as Bubba "Skyler" Whimsywater of Muskogee, Oklahoma, stated that he and his cousin Erasmus "Gelding" Rizzinpride, were eating some pink cotton candy and drinking a couple of quarts of Lone Star Beer when they smelled something burning.

They turned around, looked up, and saw smoke coming out of Big Tex's britches.

At first Bubba and Erasmus thought that maybe it was the work of either the Taliban, Al Qaeda, or The Westboro Baptist Church heathens who go around disrupting funerals of military veterans.

Another eyewitness, named Gina "Big Uns" Appeltini, who said she's employed as a Hooter's Girl in San Antonio, said she thought that the fire started in Big Tex's underwear possibly from a carelessly discarded cigarette.

The iRumors News Agency reported that Mitt Romney immediately called a news conference and blamed the Big Tex fire on President Obama.

When asked why in the world he would even think such a stupid thing, much less put it out to the media, "Big Bird" Romney shook his head and said that he needed to take advantage of every possible situation.

Romney later tried to do one of his patented flip flop moves and pointed out that maybe it wasn't President Obama, but added that it could have been Vice-President Joe Biden who started the fire with a bottle rocket that he launched from outside the State Fair grounds.

SIDENOTE: Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says that he has donated $75 toward a fund he has started to go towards replacing Big Tex with Big Tex Jr.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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