Written by rvler9201
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Topics: college, Retro, Hipsters

Friday, 19 October 2012

image for 19-year-old has coolest dorm room 1992 has ever seen

MIAMI, OH--Replete with its multiple posters of Michael Jordan and Spud Webb, Super Nintendo, GoldStar TV and vinyl copy of Dr. Dre's The Chronic, Miami University sophomore Nick Mostey indisputably has the coolest dorm room on campus were it the year 1992. According to sources who have visited Mostey's room in Scott Hall, the sophomore doesn't appear to possess anything created before the Clinton administration, despite belonging to a family described as "well-off."

"I'll admit, if this was 20 years ago, Mostey's place would be the most bumpin' place on campus," said Mostey's closest friend, Stan Alvarez. "And I'm not gonna lie, that original Nirvana concert poster is pretty sweet. But there's only so many times you can listen to 2Pacaylpse Now or play Street Fighter II, you know? I mean, the guy doesn't even have an Xbox."

Mostey, majoring in management with a minor in cultural sciences, will claim when asked that NBA Jam is his favorite video game, Barry Sanders is his favorite athlete, and Jam Master Jay is his favorite emcee. The Pittsburgh native also has a closet filled with vintage NBA jerseys and hats, including an usually high amount of Bullets and SuperSonics gear, two teams which no longer exist.

Mostey, when asked to comment, offered "I'm all about that retro stuff, man."

Born well after most of his idols had hit their creative and cultural influence, sources agree that, we're Mostey and his room magically sent back to the days of the first Gulf War, his popularity would be unmatched.

"Nick knows more about old-school hip-hop than anybody," asserted hallmate Tyler Spiccok. "And he can tell you anything about 20th century sports. But he also called The Slim Shady LP 'new-school garbage pop', and refers to Shaq as Charles Barkley's successor, and I really don't know how to explain that."

Sources from 1992 have confirmed that, were the ladies back in the day acquainted with Mostey's Walkman or Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars comic collection, Mostey would have undoubtedly garnered a jaw-dropping amount of pussy. Sources from 2012 tell reporters that the overwhelming majority of women have found the items in Mostey's room "weird". Mostey does claim that one chick found his autographed Mitch Williams baseball card "hot", thought details are lacking at press.

Outside his dorm, Mostey travels to class on his skateboard, and spends most of his free time at arcades and stores that cater to purchasers of vintage video games-entirely normal activities for a young man to engage in were George H.W. Bush still president.

"Man, I would have loved to have one of those when I was a kid--a Sega Genesis," a visting parent remarked Thursday afternoon while passing by Mostey's open room. "My parents always refused to get me one of those. I wonder what it's doing here."

At press, Mostey was browsing eBay for more antique junk to purchase with his father's credit card.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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