Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 19 October 2012

image for Paul Ryan's Grandmother Is Voting For President Obama
Ryan's grandmother on her way to the store to buy soup, oatmeal, Jello, and cigarettes.

OSHKOSH, Wisconsin - Paul Ryan has just received some devastating political news.

It appears that his grandmother Mayshack Ophelia Woodpeckler, 93, has written him a letter telling him that she has decided that she is going to vote for President Obama.

"Skippy" Ryan immediately drove to her home, since Mayshack does not have a house phone or a cell phone, to find out why in the world she would be voting for a Democrat when everyone in their family, including their funny uncle Zambodio "Chirpy" Chirpenfeister, has always voted Republican.

When Ryan arrived at her home he noticed that his grandmother was watching her favorite show The Sons of Anarchy. He had to wait until the show was over before he could have a talk with his grandmother who the family refers to as Granny Woody.

Once the show ended he asked how her athlete's foot was doing. She replied that she did not have athlete's foot. He then asked about her swollen ear lobes. She told him that she did not have swollen ear lobes and then asked in a Wisconsin accent, "Hey just who the hell are you anyway sonny boy?"

Ryan answered, "It's me Granny Woody, your political grandson Pauly."

She told him that she did not know any Pauly and told him to get the hell out of her home before she called 119. He told her that she meant 911.

Granny Woody picked up a biscuit and threw it at him saying that she can spell and she does not need no Eddie Munster-looking twit to make fun of her moustache.

And on that note. Ryan turned around and left.

In Sports News. The Boston Celtics organization is denying reports that in order to try and change their luck they will be dropping the team name Celtics and replacing it with the lucky name Shamrocks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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