ROSWELL, New Mexico (ABSNN) - Arizona Governor Jan Brewer ordered the Arizona Air National Guard to fire two volleys of six Sidewinder missiles at Austrian balloonist Felix Baumgartner's fiberglass capsule as it ascended to 23 miles over the New Mexico village of Roswell, Sunday morning. However, no harm was done to Baumgartner, although he was forced to eject from the balloon and parachute to earth. The missiles were intercepted and shot down over Albuquerque by the jet fighters of the New Mexico Air National Guard.
"A state of war now exists between Arizona and New Mexico," said Governor Gary Earl Johnson who, just by chance, happens to be the Libertarian candidate for President of the United States.
"Just who the hell does that bimbo think she is to invade New Mexico's sovereign air space," asked a very pissed off Johnson.
"I gave the order to shoot him down as he was drifting west towards the Arizona border. Whatever else the man is, a scientist, a thrill seeker, whatever, he is an alien," Arizona's Governor Brewer said in a press release.
"I don't give a shit if Johnson is running for Pope," said Brewer.
"I told him that if that Australian pimp drifted within 100 miles of Arizona we'd shoot him down."
When reporters informed Brewer that Baumgartner was an Austrian, not an Australian, Brewer shouted:
"Austrian, Australian, what's the damned difference? They're both illegal aliens in Arizona."
Troops are now massed on the shared borders of Arizona and New Mexico. Colorado has suspended trade with both states.
President Obama is said to be taking a "Hands off" approach to the problem.
"It wouldn't bother me a bit if both governors were killed in this conflict," said Obama.
Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney immediately attacked Obama in a statement on NBC's Meet the Press.
"This is yet another example of Obama's failed foreign policy," said Romney.
"Ah, Governor, Arizona and New Mexico are both US states, sir," pointed out one reporter.
"Since when," Romney scoffed.
For some reason, we will keep you informed of the progress of this new War Between the States.