Written by John_L
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Sunday, 14 October 2012

image for The most horrible sound in the world.
A man hears Todd Akin on the radio.

British scientists have spent three years determining the most horrible sound in the world. The surprising result is that it is a sound which is heard more and more over recent years. The sound of politicians voices.

"It was a surprising result." Professor James Baxter told NBC "When we first started the study we thought that nails running down a chalkboard would win. Although my colleague Dr Winslow thought that the sound of a dislocating ankle would be the winner after an accident cycling last year. Still it was the nauseating tone of politicians that took the prize."

After the team at Cambridge got the result they were able to refine it by location. While British politicians came high on the list the very worst were politicians from the US.

"It seems that the more the politician uses indignation and religious ideology and right wing causes the worse they get." Dr. Marianne Roth of Harvard said "Right now top of the most horrible sounds in the world is the sound of Congressman Todd Akin although Sarah Palin and Paul Ryan are not that far behind."

Media consultant Dave Schadovitz told 'Good Morning America'. "I think that Akin was sounding okay until he made the comments about rape. It wasn't the comment itself that has made him get excruciatingly horrible but since then he has tried to validate himself over and over and has gotten more shrill. It is really unpleasant to hear. Palin has always had a horrible tone and it will get worse as she gets older while Ryan seems to struggle when he has to flip flop on issues. Mitt Romney can contradict himself with ease but Ryan never sounds convincing I think that is why they call him Lying Ryan."

In the wake of this news politicians of all sides are starting to take elocution lessons to make them sound less horrific. Many are aiming for a homely sounding voice like that of President Bill Clinton. His honey soaked tone is seen as a sure fire winner with voters and women. Congressman Akin has told to use sign language in future.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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