Written by Simon Saunders
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Thursday, 11 October 2012

image for Hannity Issues Apology To Romney/Ryan
A swimming pool used to store Hannitys sycophantic spittle

Fox News' most prominent spinning machine, Sean Hannity, astounded his worshippers last night when he issued a grovelling apology on his daily propaganda juggernaut.

The apology?

No, it wasn't for his concerted efforts to smear President Obama or for his one sided view of everything.

It was an apology directed at Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan.

The apology follows an incident on his show when Governor Romney and his sidekick, Congressman Ryan, almost drowned in Hannitys drool during a remarkably probing interview.

Hannity put some stinging questions to the dynamic duo during a tough interview, such as. "Congressman Ryan, how do you stay so buff? Governor Romney, can you give me some tips on how to keep my hair as perfect as yours? Why is the anointed one so useless?"

He closed with the most testing question of all. "Why are you both so fantastic?"

Hannitys apology came not for the battering he gave them with his well thought out questions but for almost drowning the perfect pair in his slobber.

Hannity, once again leaking fluid from his body but this time in the form of tears, told his viewing disciples, "I am truly sorry for my dribbling antics during the interview. Those two brilliant and handsome men deserve better. It was an unsightly way for me to behave. I have already apologised to Governor Romney and Congressman Ryan and offered to pay for them to get their spit covered suits dry cleaned. Thankfully they have suffered no lasting ill effects as a result of their near drowning. The same thing happened when I interviewed Dick Cheney and George W. Bush. I just can't help myself. I would never be able to forgive myself had they drowned. It would've made me responsible for denying the USA the greatest President ever, even better than the God-like Ronald Reagan."

We spoke to Hannity earlier today as we had a question for him regarding what appeared to be a brown sticky substance on the end of his nose after coming back from a commercial break during the interview. Thinking they were still in a commercial he could be seen wiping it away with his Romney/Ryan monogrammed handkerchief while the hopeful candidates adjusted their pants.

After he had finished casually tossing darts at a picture of the President whilst simultaneously blowing kisses at a picture of Mitt Romney, he told us, "I don't know how I ended up with a brown nose," while fidgeting uncomfortably in his spinning chair before scuttling off to berate a liberal.

Meanwhile, a similar incident almost led to President Obama being smothered to death beneath a barrage of hugs and kisses from the ladies on 'The View' during his latest interview.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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