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Sunday, 7 October 2012

image for Maine state senate race to be decided on World of Warcraft
Maine state senate candidate Steven King

BAGOR MAINE (ABSNN) - Maine's state senate race is nearly as wild and war-like as the Presidential race between Obama and Romney. In fact, Maine Republicans have a website devoted entirely to the Democratic candidate's fondness for "World of Warcraft." Democratic senate candidate Colleen Lachowicz is a WOW devotee.

"I challenge any of those Republican weenies to face me in WOW," Lachowicz laughed.

"This is no laughing matter," said her Republican challenger, Steven King.

"This woman lives in a fantasy world populated with trolls, gnomes, and homosexual fairies," he said.

A website produced by the Maine Republicans Committee includes a link to Lachowicz's online character," Santiaga," a nude, Mohawk wearing warrior armed with a meteor shard.

The website insinuates Lachowicz "is out of touch with reality; she has achieved level 85 - the highest level one can attain."
Ms. Lachowicz is obviously deluded," it says.

"She lives in a fantasy world, a make believe land Azeroth." and warns Maine voters that "Lachowicz will probably kill her Republican opponent, Steven King!"

Lachowicz says she is "flummoxed, absolutely flummoxed that the Republicans are more concerned with her hobbies than her fiscal policy."

"I mean, really, how much time does it take write all six laws it takes to keep Maine functioning," she asked.

"I don't understand the game, but I know there are communists and homos who play it. They even have a forum where they pass secret messages regarding the violent overthrow of Bangor," said King.

"I think it's weird that I'm being targeted for playing online games," she said in a statement. "What's next? Will I be ostracized for playing Angry Birds or Words with Friends?"

We'll keep you informed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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