WASHINGTON, D.C. - Mitt Romney is scrambling in the wake of recent reports that unemployment has fallen to under 8.0% for the first time in four years. He has even resorted to using other countries' news, banking on the fact that most Americans don't read the papers.
Not only has Romney continued to spout on about the president's below-average results at getting America back to work, despite the positive press President Obama received this week, the Republican candidate sank to an all-time low by talking about an economy that wasn't even that of the United States.
"Bridges and highways are decrepit," said Romney to a group of elderly nursing home residents, "patients are forced to bring their own medicine to public hospitals, vast state projects are unfinished, rolling blackouts affect much of the country and prison riots kill hundreds each year."
Initially aghast at this news, Ronald Sunderland, 85, googled Romney's quote on his iPad to see what else he could learn about this America gone south.
"Turns out," said Sunderland, "Romney was talking about Venezuela where they have an election tomorrow.
"Cheeky monkey, that Romney!"