RALEIGH, North Carolina - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Bus Tour stopped off in Raleigh on the way to Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
He told the semi-cheering crowd that he was thrilled to be in Raleigh, the town where the inventor of cigarettes, Sir Walter Raleigh was born in a log cabin built by his maternal grandmother Gretchen "Callouses" Papparella back during The Great Grits Famine.
Romney wearing a Charlotte Bobcats cap and Atlanta Braves underwear told the crowd that he has finally decided to embrace the 47 percent of Americans that a few weeks ago he had virtually thrown underneath his campaign bus.
A voice in the back hollered out "Why?"
And the GOP candidate replied that, that was an excellent question and that he would answer it with an excellent answer, since he is after all one hell of a businessman who is worth one quarter of a billion dollars.
He pointed out that it is all simple math. He stressed that his mama did not raise no fool.
"You better look again fella," an elderly woman's voice resonated from the crowd.
The man who is known as "Hair Spray" Romney, in most of the blue states, said he figures that out of the 47 percent of the people that he had written off as commoners, that some could possibly be convinced to actually vote for him.
An elderly man's voice yelled out, "Hey Mittens, tell us what do you think about the new nickname that Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo has given you?"
"Ah...which nickname is that?" Romney asked.
"Big Bird," came the reply.
The husband of Ann "The Stare" Romney turned as red as a Tallahassee tomato and stated that he absolutely hates that new nickname.
"More than Hairdo Dude, The Old Flip-Flopper, Pompadour Boy, and Mitt The Twit?" he was asked.
"Yes, yes, yes, and I have never heard anyone call me Mitt The Twit."
He was told that George Clooney called him that last week on The View, Eva Longoria called him that on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Beyonce called him that on Piers Morgan Tonight, and even little seven-year-old Alana "Honey Boo Boo" Thompson had called him that on her new reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
And with that Old Mittens looked at his $12,000 Rolex Watch and said that he had to get back on his $2.3 million, state-of-the-art campaign bus because they had to drive over to another cigarette town, Winston-Salem.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Since the presidential debate in which Romney said that he would cut funding to PBS which sponsors Big Bird's Sesame Street, Walmart is reporting that the sale of Big Bird Bobblehead Dolls has shot up by 747 percent.]