Written by queen mudder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 5 October 2012

image for Strategic Cannabis Reserve mooted for drought-hit California
Bread-heads' pension pots could be badly affected

Los Angeles - Dwindling bud supplies have virtually dried up in parts of California prompting calls for the creation of a state-wide Strategic Cannabis Reserve modeled on Big Oil's Gulf of Mexico emergency storage facilities.

The proposal has the backing of the New York Pot Exchange which deals with nation-wide cannabis futures and is currently working round the clock to solve supply and demand problems.

These have been brought about by the year's freakish conditions and must be resolved before the crucial November 6 Presidential election cut-off date.

Many suspect the problem has been triggered by Africanised killer bees accidentally pollinating millions of sinsemilla crops around the time of this year's astrologically potent Summer Solstice.

Yeah, right...

The storage plan is being mooted at a medical marijuana growers conference this weekend where delegates have described how thousands of hectares of precious weed 'went to pot' as millions of seed heads developed on the 2012 harvest.

It's meant that plants' average potency has been slashed by over 50% - something that investment-savvy bread heads say will badly affect their future pension pots if New York Pot Exchange trading bombs.

Worst affected strains appear to be Pink Lady - from hybridized Alaskan cultivation experiments involving the legendary Matanuska Thunderf++k, some Hawaiian Gold and indigenous Californian Purple Haze.

Supplies of White Widow are also badly compromised with a mystery fungal slime that growers suspect may have been spread by crop duster planes working on neighboring Zinfandel grape fields.

The pale cultivar is named after alleged London terrorism suspect Samantha Lewthwaite, last reported to be on the run from UK anti-terror cops in Kenya from where the eponymous grass strain first originated.

Also causing panic is a 'boutique hotel consignment' of the fabulous Blueberry Yum Yum variety, said to be high up on the permanently endangered list following an alleged transportation 'vanishing act/period of missing time' on the elevated section of San Rafael's US Highway 101.

The driver of a 100ft pantechnicon carrying the cargo is believed to be co-operating with his farming employers who are considering regression therapy to unlock the sudden onset amnesia that's preventing any recollection of what actually happened to the crop.

An ounce of top grade San Francisco skunk retails at around $2,000.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 3?

3 12 18 16
66 readers are online right now!

Go to top