BILLINGSGATE POST - Last night, outlined against a somber blue-grey October sky in Denver, Colorado, Mitt Romney brought back images of Pestilence as he exterminated the rodent-like Barack Obama during the fateful debate witnessed by 50 million partisan spectators. As part of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Pestilence rode with Famine, Destruction and Death in the biblical charge to wipe out earlier epochal versions of tyrannical liberal hypocrisy.
Like many highly anticipated heavy-weight bouts, the hoopla preceding this debate far outweighed the actual fight. Not since Ali and Joe Frazier fought to their near death in the Thrilla in Manilla, has such a fight lived up to its expectations. Governor Romney so thoroughly dominated the debate against the bobble-headed black champion that even Obama's own corner thought that the President had been Xanaxed. In an anticipated free for all that had America's voters on the edges of their seats, the fight went the distance only because Obama was able to hang on to his podium.
While using combinations of computer algorithms and human intelligence, Romney sifted through masses of information to discern the "tonalities" that have been shaping election modalities for the past 200 years. Utilizing maxims of nth power statistics, he overwhelmed his helpless opponent with stinging jabs from both sides of his cerebellum.
NOTE: The BILLINGSGATE POST now reports that Romney, who claims to have never met a rodent he liked, sought pre-debate advice from the voluble Carl Spackler of Caddyshack fame as to how to avoid the same mistakes Spackler made in his epic battle with a recalitrant ground hog. Spackler, hardly a neo-con, but never the less, an advocate of law and order, suggested that the Governor remain unflappable and not to underestimate the determination of a litigious rodent when the varmint sets his mind to destroying the American way of life.